Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
