One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
