so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
