So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
As shirtless as possible
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
