Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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