3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
