For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
