can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
