Already got asked if we're dating
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
