When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
