friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
