We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
