i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
