dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
