At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
