A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
