Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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