Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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