True but thats because hes a fetus.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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