sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
