Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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