its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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