If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
