i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
