What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
