You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
