Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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