Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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