it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
