The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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