I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he thought i was a dude.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
