Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
