i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
