If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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