could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
