He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
