Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
