I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize