oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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