My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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