And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
