I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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