Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
