im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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