They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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