Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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