i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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