I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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