Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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