so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
