I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
