All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
