the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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