i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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