So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
