i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize