You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
