I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize