its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
