Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
