yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
