it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
