Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she pinky promised me she was 18
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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