I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
