i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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