i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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