Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
