You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
